that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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