I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
