i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
