He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
