Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
