Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
