i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
