I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
