My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
