Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
