I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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