evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He did a backflip because drugs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
