He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
