i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm always down for nudity.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
