Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
