: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
