the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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