he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
