Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
