it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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