someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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