Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
