We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
