Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
