i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
