RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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