She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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