Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
