the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
