I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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