let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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