hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
