we're blogging at a bar
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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