first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
