Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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