just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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