Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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