his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
