My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
