i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
