he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
