Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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