My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
