Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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