her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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