I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
