He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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