walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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