the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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