I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
