I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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