all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
