sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
