you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
