He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
