she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
