You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
