If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
