I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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